The PURGE as I Coddiwomple !

By James T. Verrill on January 19, 2017 in Life At Fayrehale, Living a Better Life

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The PURGE as I Coddiwomple !

First a Definition:

I know that many who subscribe to this Blog expect to only see educational, spirit elevating discussions on chickens, gardening and living the content nature connected life! Many of my posts are just that and weekly I receive several inquiries about something I have posted in those areas. Online searches bring people with these interests to this site and many are introduced to us through the hoop houses, breeding pens, gardening, fermented feed, and “how we ship our fertile eggs” posts.

Life is much more than that. We are much more than that!

I maintain my individuality and the freedom to discuss other aspects of my life, other parts of me.

You continue to have the freedom to ignore the posts you do not relate to.

I believe that on occasion, being a totally open book can allow a level of inner honesty to be revealed that can often, WILL often help others. Others struggling with their own internal struggles/issues/demons. They feel alone and singularly isolated. They need not feel that way if others share! They are NOT alone!

No man is an island,
No man stands alone,
Each man’s joy is joy to me,
Each man’s grief is my own.
We need one another,
So I will defend,
Each man as my brother,
Each man as my friend.
I saw the people gather,
I heard the music start,
The song that they were singing,
Is ringing in my heart.
No man is an island,
Way out in the blue,
We all look to the one above,
For our strength to renew.
When I help my brother,
Then I know that I,
Plant the seed of friendship,
That will never die.

A little over 4 years ago I made the worst decision of my life and agreed to allow a registered sexual predator felon being released from 30 years of incarceration on the West Coast to live under our roof while he adjusted to a very changed world! I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I knew his address on the sexual predator data base would be our address. I knew that law enforcement would be making unannounced stops to verify that he was still here where he was supposed to be. I knew life would be very different and that living much of life sans clothes and the pleasures of spontaneous intimacy anywhere would cease. YET, it seemed the thing to do and I honored the request from the one who is most significant in my life to help a college friend.

You do not really need more specific details. I stayed positive and did my best to assist in a societal readjustment I now feel will never be totally successful. IF you are metaphysical and understand energies and the interconnectedness of all because of energy, you know that there is also dark/evil/negative energy. Working in an environment where that is present is exhausting as one works to shield and protect oneself. For eighteen months I held in there with things deteriorating at an increasing speed. The end was not pleasant and this evil, destructive, manipulating being left in a black cloud attempting to do as much damage as possible to me and others close to me.

Prior to his departure I escaped by spending increasing amounts of time over two seasons volunteering and renovating The Star Island Book Store and Gift Shop. The Spring before his disruptive departure, I spent long weekends (3-5 days) on Star Island, Isles of Shoals every weekend during May and the three weeks in June prior to opening. There were other volunteers and together this endeavor allowed me to escape from the hell at home.

Once he left and after he performed his evil destructive behavior I continued to soldier on. I continued to be positive and see the best in everything. I continued to plan and to envision future projects and plans. I did NOT deal with the inner feelings that this experience left. The anger at being used and the feeling that I would never, under any circumstances, be willing to help someone again — at least not at that level! maybe at arms length. The feeling of wasted time in a life that is all too short. The EVIL energy that still lingered!

A friend and confident at the time had promised to come and sage smudge the house and areas of the property. He had been someone I could talk to about the negative situation I was in the middle of. It did not happen, he did not follow through and I experienced another let down from someone I thought I could trust.

Hunker down, pull a protective shield around and march on. The way I had always handled things. This time was different and NOW I know that during and following this experience, I experienced some level of depression. I say some level as I did not know I was depressed and I have never thought of any level of depression being connected to me. Nor have those who know me. I am the positive forward looking person! And I am.

I marched forward and renovated the barn attached to the house as Shops At Fayrehale was created! A transformation I take pride and satisfaction in!

From this (left) to this (right)

With the technical help of my IT Husband I built our website www.fayrehalefarm.com and our online business. AND yet, I ignored and BURIED the Elephant in the room!

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

The couch that he sat on for 18 months (center cushion) was dealt with by piling it high! Obviously not the best way to deal. I knew I had to deal with it as I ignored and continued other projects. I renovated the first floor bathroom which included new fixtures and new flooring along with a paint job. I painted out the dining room and gave it a fresh new look. I continued to build Shops at Fayrehale, the online business and the chicken business. All the time ignoring and walking around the Elephant in the room. I can not begin to tell you how many days I got up fully intending to deal with that ruined couch. Each time the day ended w/out my doing it. Once, I got it half cleared and then piled it back up.

Eventually this made me look inside myself to see just what was going on and to see why I seemed incapable of removing this Elephant. This introspection caused the solution to appear! I needed to PURGE the couch and the evil energy it contained.

THE PURGE

Obviously I did it! Last week I cleared the couch and Tom helped me haul it out of the house. I performed a very liberating purge as I burned all that stored evil energy. I used peroxide to scrub the floor and surrounding area. Put down a rug and moved unaffected furniture into place. The inner peace and tranquility this has created is astounding! It proves that in the future I must honor self more quickly when I experience unfortunate and possibly damaging events.

PEACE

It is impossible to describe how much better I feel. How much more relaxed I am. I have taken several days to let life flow as I read, walk Abigail and do some web work.

I have come to a place where I feel I could offer to help others again. No sure about allowing anyone in to my home? But you never know. I think if that happens there will be a well defined and written agreement!

I hope this allows you to look at yourselves and those around you whom you love and care for. Are you or they dealing with issues that are not readily visible? Is the outer public facade showing the true situation.

I acknowledge that I did/was dealing with some level of depression. Not obvious to me or others for a long time and then obvious to me. My reaction was to work and create and bury myself in projects that allowed me to ignore the real situation! I guess that is good:) Now I need to get the relaxed more at peace me back to working and accomplishing at the rate I was prior to the purge!!!!

So I travel purposely toward an as-yet-unknown destination!

As I have shared in previous posts, it is time to simplify life, unload possessions turn the chicken business over to serious younger breeders and prepare for some good years near the sea and traveling the country. It is important that we all move forward without hiraeth as we face a new era in this Country.

Please tell your friends...

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