We are just minutes away from it being two weeks since Peaches passed over and just now, 41 left Andrews AFB for Houston.
This poignant picture of Sully mourning his Human as I mourn Peaches shows both side of the equation. Human/Canine bonds can be the purest we have. Unquestioning Love and Devotion.
For me it has been two weeks of deep grieving and introspection. I grieved for my faithful Companion, Peaches, and for a time when we were a kinder and gentler nation. I acknowledge my own mortality – something I first recognized when I survived cancer 35 years ago. Interesting that I didn’t recognize it when I escaped becoming a name on the Vietnam Memorial Wall! It was only after surviving cancer that I brought those two escapes together, adding another in 1998, as indications that I still had things to accomplish in this Life’s Journey. Have I ???
While assessing my life in detail and fully acknowledging that I am far from perfect, I HOPE SO. There will be no large crowds gathering to acknowledge and list any possible good that I may have been responsible for when I pass. I can not personally do a FULL self review until I am on the Other Side and reviewing this Life so I can plan and prepare for the next.
As an Educator of older Emotionally Disabled Students, As a Counselor, As an Adoptive Father of Older Children, As a Manager/Boss, As a Friend, I hope I have contributed some lasting good. Good that is pure as I will never hear or know about it. I do not include Husband, as that is an area I have not excelled at.
I have always known, and during this two weeks of reflection it has become clearer, that I am a person who needs to be creating – creating takes many forms and has throughout my life. Sometimes it is safe environments, sometimes physical construction of buildings, stores or rooms. I can visualize in 3D and always have been able to do this, I can mentally see, clearly and in detail, what I may want to create. At times it has been the blueprint that those helping me have followed without knowing where we are going until it all comes together and they see the finished product. I learned recently from a special friend that this visualization ability is connected to dyslexia. Challenges come with benefits:)
Looking forward with a creative vision took a hit when Peaches passed. She had become my purpose, after a horrible year with RA, and loving and caring for her gave me purpose again! Then Cannabis took away the horrible, debilitating RA pain! Making life good again. Then Peaches passed. I guess she considered her mission accomplished.
I am left to walk on!
These two weeks have helped me redirect. I have worked through the numb void and realize what the next steps are. At this point in life, I do not know how much time I have left. I know that I need to be looking forward and creating. Two weeks of deep morning and introspection have set my next course.
I have visualized how to downsize within our house and create a home that can allow me to continue aging as I host friends in a welcoming space. I know how to bring my books into this reduced area – this VISUALIZATION came to me last night! There will be book cases in all rooms other than the dining room (OF COURSE) and the front hall will become book lined – including all the way up the staircase:):) At 70, with the minor infirmities that life has gifted me so far, I will need to hire some help for the staircase installation – something I would once have done myself. Most of the rest I can still do with some help from Tom.
There will be a bedroom off the dining room that can be a guest room until the day arrives that I need to sleep on the first level – Then our room upstairs can be a guest room. If I live long enough there are two other second floor bedrooms that can be guest rooms.
Energized and ready to create.
The other thing that has come out of these two weeks is my acknowledging that I do want to visit England & Scotland while I am still able. This will take some careful planning, if it is to be. Time will tell on this. I need to renew my lapsed passport!
Thank you Peaches for joining me in life as I came through the RA pain and needed a higher purpose. Loving you and making sure your, all too short, time with us was the best possible.
We both loved deeply and purely and we both benefited.
Thank you Peaches for Loving me and being such a Special Friend!